Sunday, February 29, 2004
okay, i'm gone.
eighty-eights, my friends!
10:45 PM
Was stoning in front of the com again.
Dawdling my time away.
Splendid.
It chanced upon my realisation that
Inconspiciously, smsing keeps you at a distant from someone.
At least, thats from my stance.
What do you think?
Hmmm.
10:17 PM
I'm in search for study partners.
Anyone interested?
10:09 PM
oh yes,
Congrats to Sem, Em and Cooke cheerleaders.
Your hard work paid off. :)
Congrats also.
to Andrea, Carmbert and Wanyi.
Seriously, all of you did great.
Absolutely stunningly fabulous. :)
9:06 PM
I've procrastinated again.
So much work left for me to complete.
Saturdays have been occupying too much of my time.
Time for work, revision and studying.
But its the only day where i could catch up with my friends.
Absolutely brilliant, so now what?
Saturday = work? or friends?
This stings.
8:50 PM
Home = Work
== Homework.
Now finally, I understand. =/
8:45 PM
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Perhaps flaws are really outstanding and loud.
And I wonder why mine are chronically picked on.
I can't recall any moment where I've not been laughed at
due to the flaws which I unfortunately own.
Hmmm.
But if I stomp off due to the aggravation accumulated,
I would be undoubtedly labeled as petty, short-tempered.
I was like that once, as sem would clearly know.
Guess I've learnt to get used to the remarks gradually,
trying not to let them get to me.
Cause dormant volcanoes do erupt malevolently.
Frankly, I'm not what you think. far from it.
10:41 PM
Thursday, February 26, 2004
i'm gonna be estranged from the al fresco soon.
having to intent on each distinctive subject is indeed gruelling.
and unambiguously, im gonna secede from everything for 21days.
focusing on consistent unalleviated work and swotting up on my studies.
meanwhile, i shall have a bash on being assiduous.
i desperately need a myriad of fortitude and self-discipline for that.
those attributes i indubitably, have never possessed.
wish me luck. tons of it.
9:07 PM
daughter : "are you sure if he comes over, you'll be happy happy?"
grandmother : "of course, i'll be very happy. we'll be having lamb."
daughter : "are you certain dinner would be a very very happy one?"
grandmother : "yes, everyone would be very very happy on that night."
the mom : "well, except for the lamb."
- extracted from The Gilmore Girls.
WHAT THE. Hahahaha. lame, but it cracked me up.
Just what i needed after a long day at school.
Well then, off to study Biology now. :)
6:39 PM
I like Ghim Moh's teachers.
In my opinion, they have a stronger sense of responsibility.
With reference on my Biology teacher,
She calls and informs the absentees on what they missed out.
Not only that, she makes it a point to help students understand.
And if neccessary, she phones to tell us beneficial details.
Patient and respectful to students,
Indeed what i call an exceptional teacher.
Although it causes us to hinge on her more,
It does not stop me for liking what she does for us.
Thank You :)
6:24 PM
Accounts Test - Today
Chink Test - Friday
Social Studies Test - Friday
Biology Test - Friday
and here i am online!
splendid belle, keep it up!
-smacks myself in the face-
12:40 AM
i wanna talk to andrea.
but, where is she?!
tickity doo, think she's in bed. (duh.)
ohwell, think il just msg and disturb her again.
grins. sleep sweet, bananas!
12:35 AM
carmbert stole my sexy voice!! =x
no wonder it relinquished so quickly.
take care of that throat of yours, girl!
get well soon too, berto!
12:32 AM
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
He seriously reminds me of andrea.
Their walking styles are unambigously identical.
He also possess
some attributes akin to her.
yikes, this is no doubt idiosyncrasy.
lol.
no, dont ask who
he is. -sealed-
4:57 PM
There have been times where our perspectives clashed.
Undeniably, i'm not the best.
I recall when the house shudder and trembled
with our ominous altercation that denotated throughout.
then so much, we have antagonized each other.
I know i have showered disappointment before,
There were countless times when we had our disparity.
But irrefutably, indubitably, conclusively,
You're deeply loved by me.
Have a Blessed 17th, Sisso. :)
4:39 PM
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
having tuition unremittingly remind me of my superfluous dawdling.
and looking at my shambolic desk reminds me of stress.
i seriously have been idling my time away too much
and i do not gain anything fruitful out of every 24hour conferred unto me.
Fuck.
I am getting awfully hassled and irascible now.
I'm gonna goo on post-its everywhere on my desk
to act as an aide memoire for the amount of work waiting for me.
I've been basking too much in relish and relaxation.
I must not have a propensity to go out so habitually.
Work has to be accomplished at the very foremost.
It is an obligation to
not procrastinate any further.
10:59 PM
I want a gay as my boyfriend
and yes, it is an unequivocal decision. :D
3:05 PM
shopping shopping shopping!!!
The 10 things belle hankers after...
1. Fcuk ragged shirt.
2. Fcuk jeans.
3. Quiksilver brown tee.
4. Quiksilver brown berms.
5. Quiksilver navy tee.
6. Nice shoes! (any recommendations for small feet?)
7. Guess watch. (im relinquishing Gorgeous)
8. Ax jeans. (yes, im still considering)
9. Jim Brickman's CD
10. Five for Fighting CD
Someone's silhouette has insidiously got me infatuated with pricey fad.
2:38 PM
After such a loquacious entry,
its time for bed.
under silver stars im wishing..
andrea - God's comforting hand would be upon her, dissipating influenza,
healing her discomfort, and alleviating every worry of hers.
As well as His consistent assurance of His presence and love,
indubitably, not forgetting mine!
sem - The dispelling of influenza too, with a ease of mind
as she dreams in the comfort of peace, where stress is assuaged.
where tomorrows only bring about the true happiness of life,
and every second spent would be one enjoyed and loved.
rach - tucked in and kept warm while she dreams beautiful.
and also perpetual tranquility where troubles are but a distant,
where joy and laughter are the only existence.
carm, nat, cheryl, joyce, em, wanyi, dor, cher, xy, merser
- a snug and peaceful rest where dreams are the sweetest honey,
and may every tomorrow be a fulfilling and wonderful day ahead,
with the absence of despondency, troubles and stress,
but only filled with laughter, jollity and bliss.
1:50 AM
because i've never been, and will never be in the life of someone else,
i will never know exactly what many others go through
all i can do is just to assume how they undergo
the variety of setbacks and barriers that are rooted in their path.
In a way, its relieving to know that you wont feel the fatigue of others
the barriers set in front everyone of us are arduous enough.
But i just seem to be chronically cognizant to others' feelings,
paving the way for the accretion of emcumbrance on me.
Intermitently it is a blessing undoubtedly.
But too much of it can be an intrusion, as well as an aggravation.
indeed, i've brought it upon myself, culpability on only me.
There are innumberable times, strangely as it seems,
when i felt like i'm situated in an imperceptible desert.
searching aimlessly for an oasis of life, for survival,
lugging my feet with the last drip of strength i have in me
while trudging through the onerous path of quiescent sand.
seeking for a fulfilling dew that would imbue my emptiness
as it relentlessly acts as a reminder of my triviality and insignificance.
and my only companion is the infuriating airstream
which sweeps up redundant desolation along with its current,
slapping my bareness with an unfaltering shower of stones.
there are various times in which i feel like succumbing to my defeat
and just following suite to whatever that would happen.
without standing up for constitutional rights, which so i think.
unconfident and self-doubting, i irrefutably indubitably am.
and then, outta nowhere, smth would pull me through.
i never thought much of it, but manifestly, it had to be Him.
Insentience, He's always there to pick us up when we fall.
I presuppose its whether we accede our hearts to unbolt to His help.
Yes, as Pastor Prince said, Let go and Let God.
Amen to that. :)
12:14 AM
Monday, February 23, 2004
okay, i think my crankiness has died down.
i feel so drained now.
and rachel the brinjal,
dont forget you owe me a fee of $30 :D
10:27 PM
i shall proclaim my abhorrence here!
i shall, i must, i will, i should. aiyah.. whatever.
I DO NOT LIKE RACHEL ANYMORE!!
There.
Short and Sweet.
Just like Me. :D
10:16 PM
EMILY!!!!!!!!!!!
I do NOT want a bung as a girlfriend okay!!
what shit is this... alamak!
10:09 PM
my illness have apparently gotten worse
and yes, my voice cracked! (thank you jarrell)
i didn't go school today! again..
and i doubt i'm going school tmr cos of my stupidity
i mistook the receipt as my mc and took off.
so yay, no school for me tmr either!
since i can't give my teacher my mc tmr.
many apologies to my classmates!
was supposed to pass them my chem test paper this morning
so that all of them could copy. -_-"
but heh, was ailing and sleeping like a log in bed.
i slept at 0315 what! was doing social studies essay. =/
can't believe belle has become so hardworking!
applause please
but then again, i've been going out too often,
watching tv and dawdling at home too frequently.
i seriously need to buck up. SO much more.
anyone interested in studying together?
sharing of intelligence and gaining more knowledge?
please contact belle at: you-know-my-number
Thank you. :)
9:32 PM
I received a msg this morning from anonymous.
He/She claims to be Ben's friend who wants to know me.
for what?! i've no clue.
Ben sent me a msg yesterday too surprisingly.
This is getting really weird.
Emily owes me a
bigg explanation.
12:11 PM
Sunday, February 22, 2004
i had the weirdest dream last night...
i dreamt that i came to realise that im a illegitimate child.
I had chemistry flickering with a gorgeous lady or age 20 or so
when it just struck me to ask her if she was looking for her sister.
remarkably my guess was right.
and the next scene was what.. they took me back to the phillipines?
not only that, their house was huge!!
and my 2 'sisters' of age 23 and 18 were
gorgeous. =x
'parents' were awesome people too.
(no, im not looking for a change in family)
but strangely, the house was floating above the clouds?
now thats scary. what, am i in heaven? hahaha.
my 'sisters' brought me shopping too!!
and to some place which somewhat seems like a mixture of..
Igors and Lido?
(yes i know, belle is weird)
then, i called sem to tell her about the abrupt news
but no words came out after a few sentences.
i just felt so depressed having to know i won't be seeing her so often.
thats when tears started to slide down my face.
(and i think i wet my pillow cos of that)
I smsed Andrea, Carmen, Cheryl, Rachel, Em and Joyce abt it.
and became all so melancholy soon after. missed them already. :(
I took a flight back to Singapore though, to pick up my stuff.
went back to my current place with my GORGEOUS eldest sis
who then told everyone that i'll be staying with them from now on.
They even helped me packed my luggage and stuff.
okay, now i am affirmative i wet my pillow.
(so now im telling everyone im so emotional la =/)
although it was great to be in a new, and awesome environment,
i just dread the fact i hafta be apart from what i grew up with,
those that made me who i am today, those that make me, me.
My family and my friends.
And i know that one day would impend on me.
Andrea, Sem, Carmen.. why must you go overseas?!!! =x
and who else is intending to go and i do not know???
its better that you OWN UP NOW!!!
okok, nono, belle must not be selfish.. -shakes head-
im still wondering what this dream is trying to tell me..
has anyone any idea? im stumped.
hmmmm.
10:38 PM
me : pass the food over la.
bro : go get the spicy one.
me : i can't take spicy food dummy, hear me speak!
bro : cos your voice is cracking?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
My brother is SOOO CUTE. :D
Sometimes.
10:32 PM
ehh which reminds me..
does joyce even visits my blog???
hahaha. oops.
nvm, a kind soul would remind her for me.
(yes, i'm hinting, pple! *HINTHINT* )
1:03 AM
NAT! Thanks for your vday present!!
and it's definitely not ugly! affirmative!
in fact, i think its pretty. really pretty.
heehee, thank you Natto! -squeeze-
and
Joyce!!!
I WANT MY VDAY PRESENT!
oops, thats like really demanding. sorry!!
hahaha remember to bring it next time k!
i still want to float in the valentines mood. hehehe.
12:56 AM
This is just for Rachel :)
Whatever decision you come to conclude,
you know we'll always be standing by you,
and supporting each step you take.
Don't let your mind be troubled and be at ease,
live life liberatedly and not feel condemned in any way.
For your life is your own, don't be ashamed of it.
Let go and let God. so fret not. :)
Our care and concern is consistent
and you know, we're always here to listen and help.
I may not be able to see you everyday in school,
nor able to sit down and listen like the rest could,
but you know i'm merely a phonecall or sms away.
I offer psychological services for free at the moment,
next time when i become a psychologist ar...
the fees are gonna be extremely costly,
so appreciate it okay! heehee.
and no, i'm not psychoing myself to believe anything! =/
It was great seeing you and catching up again.
I'll remember to bring your belated vday present next time!
take good care of urself and will see you sat?
love y-w-o rach! Hahahah! :D -squeezeal-
12:29 AM
it dawned upon me that i'm not myself around you.
sigh, if only i could erase that barrier. :(
12:27 AM
I've been missing sem all week.
didn't get to spend much time with her this weekend.
cheer is stealing sem away from me! :(
It's gonna be a stressful week ahead of her
and now i pray the Lord would keep her safe,
blessing her with His healing for her congested nostrils
and weak body and headaches and sore throat and what else?
heh. as well as peace. -tight hug- :)
12:16 AM
its been one of the best saturdays spent.
couldn't have enjoyed myself any more than this.
Thanks to Carmen, Rachel, Cheryl, Yanyu, Sem and Em.
(altho sem n em only came for a short while)
and we're meeting up again next saturday!!
it's the cheerleading competition too!
Woohoo! CAN'T WAIT! :D
Left Acjc for town real soon after arriving,
couldn't take the heat plus the moisture given out by pple surrounding me.
I didn't get to see krystal!!! -big big sulk-
Yes i know, its my punishment cos i abandoned chang.
sheesh.
But it was great to meet up with yanyu after sucha long week
eases my troubles each time we converse.
Although she doesn't advice, she's a brilliant listener. :)
Town is a boring place, Singapore is actually.
But not when you're with a bunch of great friends.
Fun and laughter just seeps through the intensity of boredom.
Thank you, Carm, Rach, Joyce, Cheryl, Em, Sem & Yanyu.
For such a jollity lovely evening. :)
12:01 AM
Saturday, February 21, 2004
Its the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away pretending I don't love you
1:36 AM
Thursday, February 19, 2004
sheila : Mrs ong! belley welly doesnt know how to draw loci, can you teach her?
Mrs ong : no need la, belle's so smart, i'm sure she can figure it out herself.
daphne : yah man, she's belley proton, girl genius!
someone please unshackle me from this distress.. =/
10:09 PM
mom : you actually dare feign being ill this morning n not attend sch?
bro : but i was really sick this morning what.
sis : yeah, and he can play soccer in the house.
bro : err, i think i have morning sickness la.
mom : only pregnant ladies have morning sickness.
bro : oh.. i didn't know.
sheesh! =/
9:51 PM
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Thank you sem.
for just that one message which consists not more than 2 words.
so trivial yet deeply appreciated it is.
it is all thats needed to pacify and appease my soul.
Good night. :)
Baby you get to my heart, my deepest part.
Girl I'm wanna be where ever you are.
Only you know, the right way to go.
Something that I never had.
Is taking control, it's your love.
From the start, you get to my heart.
11:47 PM
i miss hanging around
in stmargs.
although i do meet up with my dearest friends,
and of course, retrieve whatever latest gossip.
i do have the inclination of just being part of the activities
and the twaddle and baloney they have in school.
occasionally, i have no clue what they are talking about.
and it has got me ruminating whether that would secede the friendship.
perhaps i worry too much, like always.
but unquestionably, i've drifted off from a few others.
others who were part of the frivolous side of me.
who made the light of laughter beam through the obscurity of boredom.
i miss them. i miss our fun together. i miss the memories.
its seriously bizzare and astounding
that i'm actually not putting an effort to salvaging anything.
and for that, i seek your exculpation, your forgiveness.
genuinely, i'm sorry.
11:20 PM
why am i divulging all my flaws
for everyone to nitpick on?
i feel farcical, ludicrous, harebrained.
in fact, just plain
silly.
but then again,
i am who i am.
so, what say you?
11:12 PM
its effortless for words to be spilled out
advices, suggestions, opinions are needless to say,
without a hitch in my opinion.
i'd voluntarily offer my help to as many as i could.
conversely, when asked putting it to practice
i'd probably pay no heed to it.
quote unquote "practice what you preach"
thats affirmatively not for me.
therefore construing, belle lacks fortitude.
10:58 PM
belle's sweet. nice. understanding.
hypothetically i'd say.
i still think i'm malevolent
and i do think malicious thoughts.
which perhaps hardly anyone could decipher.
for all you know i'd just cogitate about
ripping your heads off and throwing it like as if im a baseball player.
and i'd ruminate being all the rage in doing so.
well of course, thats only if you make me mad.
other than that, i don't think i am that detrimental. :)
10:25 PM
ahhh!! ahhh!!! ahhhH!!!!
im talking to Shalini!!!! =/
okay, maybe thats a little melodramatic.
but still...
haven't heard of any news of her ever since we broke it off.
and out of the blue, finally she's allowed to come online.
it feels so awkward talking to her right now
but nonetheless, its great to converse with her again.
i knew she came online this afternoon
but didnt have valor to strike a conversation with her.
ohwell. i'm happy to know she's going on fine.
and i'll never forget 16th August 2003. :)
9:39 PM
there are myriad personalities which i possess
or are they merely facades which i sustain?
if i were to give myself a once-over,
i'd spartanly deduce my attributes.
redundant, i seek acceptance.
empty, i seek fulfillment.
triviality, i seek recognition.
insecure, i seek assurance.
malovelent, i seek exoneration.
flawed, i seek impleccability.
mortified i am, of my blotches of flaws.
but grateful i've always been,
to those who have acknowledged me nonetheless.
Truly, i am thankful.
2:09 PM
Monday, February 16, 2004
my eyelids seem to have lost control
my mind's awake yet they're steadily shutting.
I feel so fatigue, so lackadaisical.
its as if there's an inferno churning inside my throat.
with phlegm accruing, condemning my oesophagus
unquestionably, it hurts. :(
i hate falling sick.
8:05 PM
Sunday, February 15, 2004
switched on the room's light.
swtiched on the bathroom's light.
stepped in, locked the door.
so many thoughts running through my head.
pulled down my pants.
insentience, sat on the seat's cover instead.
sheesh. -_-"
10:23 PM
she :
you can't even see things from my perspective, how in the world are you ever gonna become a psychologist? you can't even help yourself, and are constantly hurting others tactlessly.
maybe you're right. i ain't good enough.
nor do i have what it takes to achieve anything.
i'm not as good as i appear to be.
in fact, i'm blemished with all my repugnant flaws.
9:46 PM
Saturday, February 14, 2004
This has been the best Valentines ever spent.
I couldn't possibly ask for anything more
than to spend Valentines with all of them.
They are indeed an extraordinary bunch of great people,
and i really love each and everyone of them deep down inside.
Thank all of you so much for everything tonight.
Valentines would never be so enjoyable without all of you here.
11:43 PM
andrea : thank you sooo much for your gift, dearest!
its truely the best valentines gift i've ever received. honest!
i love it soo much that im stumped for words. its just so poignant,
that it touched a chord in me that no one has ever before.
and i really feel as though im the happiest person alive now,
and its all thanks to you! :D
although its somewhat out of my depth to say this but,
tears are clouding up my vision as the songs are being played.
oh oh oh!! the version of "I do (cherish you)" you gave me?
its soooo adorable!! i'm sure it would light up my darkest hours instantly.
My gift is seriously nothing compared to yours.
the effort that you put into this is deeply appreciated.
Nonetheless, i delight in the fact that i somehow managed
to start your valentines in the best way i possibly could.
was soo happy that you became so ecstatic upon receiving my gift.
Is there a word better than best?
because thats the only word i can use to describe your smiles,
your laughter, your blissfulness that added on to your gift,
making it way beyond the bestest of gifts.
and I wanna thank you so much drea. for everything you've done,
for being who you are, and for bringing so much joy in my life.
I love you. :)
1:32 PM
Happy Valentines Day to all!
and, Happy 10th Birthday Jarrell!
I'm aniticipating to receive the
best gift my friends could give me.
Their smiles, that divulges their look of seventh heaven.
I love each and every one of them. :)
12:43 AM
Thursday, February 12, 2004
after giving it the best i've got,
i do not feel like spending valentines anymore.
8:27 PM
There's a balance to everything.
but somehow or another,
the negative always appear to weigh more.
8:22 PM
i'm falling in love!
and if could, i'd just dawdle at home everyday,
and let time pass while i indulge in it,
being dispassionate about anything else.
yes! i love watching my vcds :D
7:37 PM
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
my mind need not function to tell me
just how much i miss you..
11:06 PM
to let go of what i yearn for
not to ask for anything more
to be contented with everything i have
to see myself, just as i am.
and not to want what won't be mine,
it's time..
11:02 PM
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
To my dearest Sem..
Angel's lullaby - Richard Marx
I was never alive
Till the day I was blessed with you
When I hold you late at night
I know what I was put here to do
I turn off the world
And listen to you sigh
And I will sing my angel's lullaby
Know I'm forever near
The one you can always call
Right now all you know to fear
Are the shadows on your wall
And I'm here close enough
To kiss the tears you cry
And I will sing my angel's lullaby
So tell me how to stop the years from racing
Is there a secret someone knows
I'll never catch all the memories I'm chasing
I'll never be ready to let go
And when the world seems cold
You feel that all of your strength is gone
There may be one tiny voice
Your reason to carry on
And when I'm not close enough
To kiss the tears you cry
You will sing your angel's lullaby
Let this be our angel's lullaby..
8:19 PM
i shall declare that my dad is indeed,
one of the most annoying people on the face of this earth
(and that aint beneficial, cos i take after him) ohwell.
why does he have to make such a commotion
about my bro having a party this sat for his birthday?
he wasn't too pleased about the 'family bowling' activity initially
and now he's complaining about a soccer party?
he has to oppose all my brother's propositions.
is letting my bro indulge in exuberance on his birthday a crime?
i know it's due to the absence of my sister and i,
the family bowling occasion could not be persist.
and i feel culpable enough towards my brother,
leading to the unfeasibility of him spending his birthday desolately.
i am
not letting that happen.
7:56 PM
i'm sorry..
for not being there for you
for being too caught up in my own world
for not being able to provide you with answers you need
there's just no appetite for interaction.
i just wanna float alone at sea.
6:46 PM
i wont deny that im thwarted about the change of plans.
but im glad ur anticipation for a perfect valentines has came to an end.
if ever dredged up by this, don't feel culpable towards me
but remember to immerse urself in the vigours of fun there.
i'll probably spend my valentines elsewhere..
5:57 PM
Monday, February 09, 2004
hmm, its been 3 days since i last blogged
and my blog seems so decayed?
haha ohwell, perhaps il just enter a short one today.
have been rather stressed out due to vdays shopping.
never knew shopping could be soo brainwrecking.
and i'm still gonna continue shopping tmr. =/
so far, the presents of these people are ready n good to go!
- emily
- carmbert
- joyce
- rachel
- doreen
the rest would have to wait.
don't worry, i won't offer my sloppy work. :)
as for my ever beloved sem.
its only the bill for dinner, so no prepartions needed. :D
10:03 PM
Friday, February 06, 2004
why does everyone has a misconception
that there's smth going on between me and her?
we're just good friends.
swear! =/
or did i overdo things a lil?
i can't recall but it sure doesn't seem so.
but perhaps, i should just restrict myself.
ohwell..
11:28 PM
i've set my paths on psychology and law.
i wanna do a little of business too.
hmmmm.
-imagines myself in a business suit ensconced in a comfortable office-
that is the life man.
-stacks of files everywhere and sleepless nights-
okay, looks like its not so great after all.
next time someone bullies you, come to me!
i'll sue their butts off for you!
hahahahaha.
i'm going mad. sleep is definitely essential now..
goooodddd niiiggghhhttttt :D
1:17 AM
mom bought new vcds!
1. Naked Ambition
2. Last Samurai
3. Along came Polly
4. The Butterfly Effect (starring Ashton Kutcher)
5. Mona Lisa Smile
6. Peter Pan
7. School of Rock
8. Love Actually
now those ought to aid in my seclusion.
exactly what i needed. :)
12:35 AM
don't seek the friends whom their appreciation you yearn for,
but treasure those that appreciates every single bit of you.
12:10 AM
Thursday, February 05, 2004
i abhor my sensitivity.
don't you? =/
9:17 PM
blogging aint that safe afterall.
i'll just stick to sem :D
how do you live if the other half of you leaves?
9:13 PM
The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship
- Francis Bacon.
9:03 PM
okay, i'm unambigous about my decision.
away from the world, thats where i'll reside in.
not yet though, gotta accomplish some stuff first.
meanwhile, i'll just lurk around a happy person. :)
6:19 PM
the economy has hit down on my family
and we're soon gonna declare bankruptcy! yay!
naw, i guess soon ain't the suitable word.
i'm just ruling out the possibilities anyway.
but in truth, we are now relying solely on our savings.
and that means, i doubt i'd be able to further education overseas.
splendid.
someone has gotta tell my daddioo his work attitude sucks.
and i can't possibly rule that out to him, unless i wanna get slapped.
my sis can tho, but she's too caught up in her own world.
my mom? hah, she'd wanna avoid the path to divorce.
and my brother has narrowed his mind to.. = soccer.
it's always when i've finally made my decision,
opportunites just slip through the tips of my fingers.
abandoning, leaving me with nothing at all
but no choice but to choose another road instead.
6:01 PM
yes i know, i am annoying.
ignore me then.
5:34 PM
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
YESSS!!!
no, i have not completed my work.
but i'm burning Jason Mraz's cd!!! :D
8:50 PM
i'm.... s t r e s s e d.
to think i could even be andrea's stress reliever.
hahahahahaha. BIG JOKE.
now its an automatic MIA itself.
I'm not free from Sunday - Thursday.
I might just have to rush home and out on Friday.
Thank God for Saturdays.
AMEN.
and i can't believe im stressing out
cos valentines is just around the corner.
yay belle, way to go!
8:09 PM
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
no matter how much we wish for every friendship in our life
to be perfect n smoothsailing, detrimental quarrels are inevitable.
in my opinion, individuality was not made to fit into another's character totally.
thats when there are clashes between the different opinions
that are being voiced out from within.
not saying that voicing out your thoughts ain't a good thing.
its better than suppressing your prerogative thoughts.
for there are others who would want to listen to your interjection of views,
and indubitably, i am faithfully one of them. :)
if you're apprehensive about how your perspective of something might be injudicious,
perhaps just be a lil more meticulous and think through before projecting your thoughts.
besides, a mistake is only a mistake if you do not learn from it.
anyway, back to what i was saying about the friendship stuff..
unhappiness in friendships does NOT mean
that you shudnt have gotten together in the first place.
its perhaps just the realisation of each others flaws
and whether you are willing to accept hers/his.
if so happens that a friend should backstab or carry a hypocritical facade around you,
wouldn't that be when you realise whether he or she is truly a friend or not?
its not at a click of the fingers, and wham!
you know who your true friends are.
it will unquestionably take time to reveal all answers gradually.
and even if that friend would have caused you to be miffed,
and bring you despondency,
surely there will be times where she made you smile
and got you into hysterics with you guffawing and chortling.
(jus learnt those 2 words that came frm de word laugh.) GUFFAW. =x
okok. i'll stop my nonsense. hehe.
from your perspective, perhaps you think you might not give good advices.
not everyone can give that, that i agree.
but definitely you have other strong points
in which others might not possess and yearn for.
everyone is made with a different speciality at hand,
making everyone one of us inimitable.
therefore also proving that no one can survive on their own,
as he or she is not perfect to withstand all the torrential blizzards of life.
and although you claim you can't give good advices,
you have a forte of pacifying the heart's troubles,
through the least amount of words.
and thats what i call a true rarity of aptitude.
always remember that. :)
8:47 PM
school has been rather enjoyable nowadays.
since now i've loosen up and joked with my classmates.
but maybe we joked and laughed too much.
and sometimes the jokes they joke about,
i find them somewhat, irritational.
why should he be called a mad cow in the first place?
uproarious as it may sound,
did no one notice his reaction to those derisions?
well, i did. cos i sit right beside him.
perhaps its bcos of the fits of laughter everyone gets,
his hurt and shattering of pride are condoned.
i seriously can't comprehend the reason why,
why by just a revulsion of a girl towards him,
can cause the whole class to abhor him too?
frankly, i commiserate with them
for they would not know a nice guy, as i think he is.
7:44 PM
Jason Mraz - You and I both
Was it you who spoke the words that
things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
Others just read of
Others only dream of the love that I love
See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy
Cause you and I both loved
what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well then, I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I'm almost finally finally, well I am free oh I'm free
and it's okay if you had to go away
just remember the telephone will be working both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang
Cause you and I both loved
what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of
I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I'm almost finally, finally out of words.
to andrea : from me to you :)
for this song brings many heart-warming thoughts of you to me,
each time its being played as its words seeped into my heart.
Thanks, for being the wonderful you.
12:56 AM
Monday, February 02, 2004
i feel..... sad.
there's no better word to describe how im feeling right now.
although i brought back 3 colossal bags filled with stuff,
and my arms drooped down together with them,
it didn't lift up my spirits at all.
and now loads of hmwk aint alleviating either.
i really can't imagine living life without you.
and im praying hard that you'll never leave.
10:21 PM
Sunday, February 01, 2004
i'm lost for words.
my mind's been running with a heavy load
and has gotten everything jumbled up.
my uncle needed some advice on handling Aris.
being his opinion that Aris possess similar character traits as me.
rebellious.
although perhaps it was a little offensive,
i delight in the fact they came to me for advices,
in the fact that they seeked me for help
and i was able to provide them with the answers.
I know I had brought much heartaches to my family
I know how much they have teared, just for me.
for my selfishness, and at their expense,
I went ahead to seek and gain experiences in life.
although i've been plagued with many bad experiences,
i make the best use out of them,
i testify and help others get along with their life
not following the path i took, so that they could be safe.
am i such a shame to you?
I never knew that all my relatives thought of me as a bad kid.
someone who always rebels for my own benefit,
always does things my own way,
and never ever spare a thought about others.
If my relatives can judge me this way,
perhaps i've been judge way worse than this by others.
I know i have not been the best sister, jarrell.
in fact, i've been the worse, and im terribly sorry.
i know you do abhor me most of the time.
i've engraved the mindset in you,
thinking that i care more for my friends than you.
truthfully, i love you and i would never want to lose you.
but this sentiment is one i doubt i'll divulge.
but am i really that bad in your eyes?
i try my very best, give out my every effort
so that i could make everyone smile
trying to ensure that they'd lead a smooth life and not follow my path
be there for them, and let them perceive that
Life is good. in its every trifling way.
Am i that terrible and dreadful a person?
If i am, i offer my sincere apologies.. truly do.
11:04 PM
Guy Sebestian - Angels brought me here
It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes..
My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle..
If you could see, what i see,
that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here..
Standing here before you,
feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love,
every heartbeat speaks your name..
My dreams came true,
right here in front of you
My miracle..
If you could see, what i see,
you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here..
Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful (oh forever faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle..
If you could see, what i see,
you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here...
Yes they brought me here...
If you could feel, the tenderness i feel...
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here...
andrea dearest : thanks for the wonderful song with its exceedingly meaningful words.
Angels have definitely brought you here, here into my life,
as a gift thats more dear to me than anything in this world.
this song would be held dearly next to my heart,
and my love for you will never recede. cross my heart. :)
5:08 PM
i had the sweetest, but utterly wrong dream.
i won't wanna jeopardise my friendship with her
and unquestionably, not for my selfish gains
nor for the sake of love.
everytime i start to give up,
setbacks consistently pushes me back.
10:37 AM
morning. went to school for chem practical and met chang at serene later. Andrea, Joyce and Carmen came later. Saw Priya P and jeyanthi too. i really enjoyed myself for breakfast this morning. we should have breakfast more often! heehee, thanks guys, for lifting my spirits up for the upcoming day ahead.
noon. met up with yanyu and went to have Nooch
again cos of her sumptous pineapple rice. ohwell! went to pick my bro up and brought him to cut his hair, where we met chow and deb who are heading over to deb's place currently. chow cut her hair!! its more towards the punk side but honestly, it doesnt look nice to me, but as long as she likes it, thats all that matters. :)
my hair!! its really short now and yanyu cut her hair too! hehe, she was tempted. vulnerable person. tsktsk. lol. yanyu and i talked about many many stuff and i do enjoy hanging out with her today. our tastes are seriously almost identical! hee. i bought her a ripcurl wallet today for valentines since she likes it. hope to go out with her again soon. had loadsa fun today :D
met andrea, carmen and cheryl in town too when i was with yanyu. hahaha, they're seriously full of shyt, cracks me up all the time. always love meeting up with them.
and im glad sem and i have cleared our misunderstanding.
I can't imagine days where i can't talk to her.
boy, thats sure gonna be one tough job.
1:05 AM
i wanna go shopping again!!
i wanna get..
- a pair of Armani Exchange jeans.
- Jason Mraz Cd
- Outkast Speakerboxx cd
- sport shoes
- brown stussy tee
- sem's valentine gift (how can i forget)
- ripcurl bag with yanyu!
- a nice belt
- leather wallet
- plastic frame specs
- fcuk tee
- jack russell puppy!! (okay, mom said after Os) :(
but then again..
im cash-strapped for a shopping spree like this.
shucks! ohwell.
12:57 AM
freakkyy stuff happened to me on saturday morn.
i remember so clearly i had left my wallet on the table
the previous night upon coming home late
but only to find that my wallet was missing on sat morn!
i searched my entire house but to no avail.
i cried out a desperate need to God,
i know that sounds funny and exaggerated
but i swear i did and He answered me.
i had a gut-feeling to zipp my bag open and found it there!
Thank God Indeed!
But the puzzling thing is that i've never touched my bag for 2 weeks.
it was just left laying in my cupboard..
so how did my wallet get there?
i've seriously NO idea.. =/
12:48 AM
